since the christmas (much abbreviated) break i have been having a really hard time finding motivation to keep on working on this project. i've kind of lost focus at this point in time and yet still think that some part of what i am doing is worth doing. part of me wants to quit for now and come back to these ideas later... part of me can't let go that easy. I've been trying to step back from some of these ideas and re-evaluate the basis of what i'm trying to acheive. i think the core of it has something to do with quantification as a form of control (science? modernism?), but that's starting to seem way too much like an rapidly aging modern VS postmodern dualistic perspective... (how modern is that!). maybe another angle on it is patterning as a way of understanding the world and finding to much safety in establishing personal patterns and not being able to transcend them. bjork in dancer in the dark comes to mind... safety in patterns (rythmic) to escape the harshness of a less ordered reality. this seems to be what 'religion' is to a lot of people. safety in patterns. ??? - i don't know. i feel like i have a lot of learning and reading to do before i can make any sort of contribution to these grand discussions. i think this is my longest, most rambly post ever.